First, what's a "relationship"? It is the connection between people, things or both.
If I generalise and simplify, I would say..."it is
1 - the connection between two or more living things, for instance in a marriage, between parents and their child, partners at work, between friends, relationships between a human and their pet or between two animals like a cat and a dog
2 - the connection between two or more non-living things, for instance in an engine in a car which enables it to run smoothly
3 - the connection between a living thing and a non living thing, for instance between someone and their car or wig or jewellery.
Operative word being "CONNECTION". Now the level (depth) of connection depends on the type of relationship and the level of importance we attribute to the relationship.
The topic relationship is as deep and wide as the sea, and today, I will be focusing on a tiny aspect of relationships between the living things called "humans"😀🆗️.
Over the course of our life, we will find ourselves in one or more types of relationship....be it:
- friendships
- professional relationships,
- family relationships,
- acquaintances
- platonic relationships,
- romantic relationship, etc
Each relationship require active participants to sustain it. However, the quantity and quality of activeness tends to depend on the type of relationship you are involved in......and the level of importance each participant attributes to the relationship and the person they are in the relationship with.
In relationships that REQUIRE more participation from both party, for instance marriage, one person can not successfully carry the relationship without breaking their back...figuratively speaking, and resentment creeping into it.
In relationships that require participants to be more invested like committed-dating, marriage etc
- YOU must strive to do your best for you and for the other....and vice vera.
- You MUST NOT be a perfectionist nor hold the other to standards that are unsustainable, unattainable, ridiculous, degrading, that keeps them constantly jumping hoops or running a hamster wheel.
It is physically, mentally, emotionally exhausting for them.....will lead to frustration, anger and will end up backfiring on you if persisted.
- Trust, respect, patience, kindness, consideration, courtesy are imperative to create a healthy relationship.
The thing that helped get that relationship is the thing that will help you keep the relationship. I once had a guy I was dating literally say to me, "I've got you now, I don't have to do all the things I did when I was chasing you". I had to remind him that I was not married to him and could easily walk - which actually happened about 3 months after I made that statement.
Don't stop treating the person you are with - with love, consideration, respect whether you are married or not. Stop taking your partner for granted, that is the height of ultimate disrespect.
For instance
- you suddenly stop taking them out on a date,
- assisting them when you can see they need help or are struggling,
- you take their calls or respond to their calls when you feel like it
- mindfully miss use a gift they've given you
- ignore them or refusing to acknowledge them when you're surrounded by friends, colleagues or family
- messing about with another woman or man
- flirting with people in front of them or behind their back
- cheating with someone else
- wilfully lying to them always
- not informing them of your whereabout, thereby leaving them worried about your wellbeing
- blanking them for days at a time
- always working away from them to take a call
- justifying your callous behaviour
And so on..
If you want to be trusted, you must give a reason to be trusted, you've got to earn that trust. Stop being secretive all the time.
- Stop judging them based on your highest priority or interests. We all are unique and therefore have different priorities and interests. The problem starts when we base the reason for a relationship on how attractive the other person is. Physical attraction is fine and dandy, but that's not what sustains a relationship. If your personalities, priorities, interests clash - trouble starts.
You won't believe how many times I've heard women say, "he's gotta be tall dark and handsome" - with some adding rich to the mix.
And men saying, "she has to be well put together and can cook".
Those traits are supposed to be bonus not the primary traits you should be looking for in a long term relationship.
Compatibility is the primary trait you should be looking for.
For women, you can always earn your own money - and even become rich. Your tall, dark and handsome can end up being a serial beater - turning you into his prized punching bag or be after everything in a skirt.
For men, you can learn to cook and stop letting women hold you hostage with food. What if she can cook the honey out of a pot but is a serial cheater, sleeps with your sibling or friend? What if she only wants you for your look or money - how long do you think she'd stay when you lose either.
How long would any of the partners you've chosen based on their superficial traits stay when things hit rock bottom because that's the true test of a relationship? Would your relationship crumble like a pack of cards or stand solid like a rock?
In Conclusion
- Be each other's champion, hero, cheerleader and stop competing with each other.
- Inspire and empower each other in order to bring out the best in one another
- Always make room for each to grow with confidence.
- Find the thing that connects you and make sure it is not superficial traits but true complimenting traits.
- Build on your relationship everyday. A gorgeous house not taken care of daily will soon become an eyesore and a nightmare to leave in. Don't let yours end up that way.
Thanks for reading this post.
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