This is the story about someone who didn't want to approach me because she felt I'd be upset at her for stealing my ex boyfriend.
I was at an event when this lady walked over to me and said Hello nervously.
I smiled and said Hello
She asked if I recognised her
and I said NO because I had no idea who she was.
She introduces herself and asked again if I recognised her
I said No but that I knew of her.
I'd only ever seen her not met her - very briefly once and that was many moons ago - before I even had my first son who is now 21.
She recognised me from my pictures. Apparently, he had alot of my pictures which made sense as we were dating.
She said she initially didn't want to approach me because she felt I'd upset with her, then she asked me if I was upset with her for stealing my then boy friend
So I said No, smiling to put her at ease.
For me - I don't believe you can steal someone. You may be able to trap them physically and that is if you succeed, but you cannot steal nor trap their soul, their spirit, the essence of who they are.
She asked if I was ever angry at him.
I said No.
She said what about her, was I ever angry at her.
I said No.
Don't get me wrong, I cried. I cried alot. Was I hurt by their action? Of course I was. I am human with feelings. Was I hurt for a long time? You bet whiny the pooh's honey 🍯 I was.
I was hurt, very hurt by his action and not necessarily hers. This was because I felt he broke a commitment to me, she didn't. I trusted him implicitly and he betrayed that trust. I felt that she didn't owe me any loyalty or respect with regards to my relationship, but he did. I'd always rationalise my feelings away. I'd rationalise and compartmentalize everything. Logic was my best friend when it came to dealing with hurt and pain.
That way of responding to things when someone did something wrong to me was something that I had always thought was weird about me because TV programmes have always shown us the way we were supposed to react when a relationship goes South but I never did those.
So, I thought I was weird.
I later found out - why I was doing that i.e. using logic to explain my feelings away and justify events that happen to me...during my personal development journey. I wasn't weird, it was a coping mechanism that I had adopted over the years from childhood. This coping mechanism I found much later in life was not good as it never allowed me to heal from things. Just put a lid on it, so I could get on with living or going through the motion of living. Does this behaviour sound familiar to you?
I also found out many years later during my personal development journey that - his actions had affected me in alot of ways, like for instance...I found that for a long time - I wasn't able to bring myself to commit my heart 100 percent in intimate relationships.
Which that on its own was wrong but that is another topic for a future episode.
It also made me become more cautious in investing myself in any type of relationship because I believed they'd hurt me. Other factors also influenced that behaviour too. Again another topic for another time.
Now, I could see she was perplexed, when I said I wasn't angry at her. Her ego started getting the better of her and simmering up to the surface. Why not she asked.
I smiled calmly then replied.
Because I've always been of the school of thought since a very young age that
1. If something was for you, it can't be truly stolen. It will always stay yours.
2. If it goes away, it will always find its way to you.
Now, I'm not talking about material things.
I told her that the incident taught me that he wasn't the one I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. The universe used her to break me away from the path I was happily travelling because I wasn't going to do it myself.
I've always been scared of marrying someone else's husband.
Wait, let me clarify.
What I mean by someone else's husband is...someone whom I was not destined to marry in this life or any other. Someone that was destined for another person is someone else's husband or wife.
I believe that if you marry someone who you were not supposed to, someone who was destined for another - you will have an okay marriage or a disastrous one.
But if you marry the person meant for you, destined for you - you will have a great marriage. The second you meet them, you'd feel like you've known each other for ever. That is because your soul recognises them from many life times spent together before. If you've meet and been together every life time, the bond gets stronger each time you meet again and your soul is restless without them.
This does not mean that you will not have problems in the relationship - but the bond between you won’t let you break away from them. Even when you are angry with them, you can’t stop thinking loving feelings about them. The thought of them brings a smile to your lips despite the anger you feel. When you see an image of them or see them in person - it is a struggle to maintain that anger you are channelling at them.
After that conversation, I enquired about his mom and siblings. She invited me to her home but I had to decline. My schedule was so tight and I wasn't willing to compromise the time I'd scheduled to spend with my family.
Besides my intuition told me that the invite was because she didn't believe what I was telling her about my reaction. And I understand her not believing because I've been told many a times that the way I respond to situations wasn't normal. Now, I understand that it was not normal to them because they were not used to any other way. Things we are used to become normal to us. Getting beat up or cursed out or bullied or hungry every day can pretty soon become normal for someone. But because it is their normal doesn't make it right.
Thanks for joining me.
I hope you enjoyed it.
Learnt something new or about yourself.
You can listen to this Episode of Straight Talk With OGN on Spotify
